Students Are People and Deserve Respect. 

Humanizing students will remove an extreme amount of classroom disruptions, but most importantly, treat them as a human who deserves respect. This sounds straightforward, but again can be tricky. Our unknown biases can influence how we respond to students in various situations. As a teacher, how we respond has a huge impact on a person's view of their future, regardless of how it turns out,  and a large impact on how the student views themselves as a learner.  In my years as a teacher, I have said things that have impacted students, and I have heard many teachers say wild things too. But at the time none of us realized how that impacted the students or the students in the classroom. After a few years of teaching and reflection on my parenting styles, I began to read new ways of communicating with children. I had always been authoritarian and very controlling. I read a book called "How To Talk So Kids Can Learn" and you can read a copy online by clicking the link.

A short discussion of the teacher's perspective is listed here, but the full version is amazing. I also added more that I have learned over the years as a teacher. 

I like to say talk to students like they are colleagues because they are. I work with them more than any teacher or administrator. I know students are children and the things I say to them are different. I would probably never have to tell a colleague during a PD to stop throwing a piece of paper, but if I did then I most certainly would never yell at them and be demeaning or try to make them feel bad for what they have just done. I also would not do this to a child. Going beyond that, it can be very difficult to know what to say to a student who comes in yelling about some random thing, or if a student has spent several periods working on a project for it to be completely wrong or missing the point of the lesson. 

CHANGING HOW I SPEAK TO STUDENTS HAS MADE ME EVERYONE'S FAVORITE TEACHER. 

1. Children are not Robots. Children have emotions and they need to have those emotions acknowledged. 

Do not dismiss their feelings, tell them they should stop talking, or that they are wrong for the emotion.

You should :

Identify the child's feelings and say it to them to make sure you are right, or simply summarize their point of view. 

Acknowledge their feelings somehow. I'm sorry, WHOA, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I feel that way too sometimes, I hate when that happens. I am sure many people feel that way, or anything to let them know that you understand and other people have those feelings. 

Accept feelings, but stop behaviors if necessary. It is ok to be angry, but it's not ok to throw things. It's ok to be loud to express your feelings, but you can not be hurtful. It's ok to feel bad about getting wrong answers or a low grade, but it's not ok to call yourself or anyone else dumb. 

Say please, and thank you. Call them Sir, or Ms. This simple change makes students laugh because they are not used to hearing them. It is so important for students to see an example of how to ask for things and what to say. Students will appreciate this simple gesture and it will go a long way in building relationships. If you would say please to a stranger, then say it to a student. 

2. If children are breaking rules, then be direct. Teachers should speak in ways that are direct and gets students to cooperate with the teacher and other students. Too many times teachers criticize students for their behaviors, talk to them in demanding ways, spew their personal biases onto students, question the student and berate them more if the student lies, or treat them as they are supposed to already understand so many things. 

You should:

Describe the problem. Tell students said something rude or disrespectful even if it's to themself tell them; say you are late, we don't throw things in class, you are talking and it is hard for everyone else to listen.

Give information. Tell students what they should do. This is hurtful language, or we need to be on time if we can, we can throw things outside, or this is important to listen to me right now, this part is important. 

Offer choices when possible. People need autonomy but are not always sure what the choices available are. Tell students they can take a walk or go to someone or you alone if they have an angry outburst. Students who are late consistently should be asked why and be given options of what to do based on their reasoning. Tell students they can join sports or let them throw things at the trash from a spot away from other students. Tell them they can talk in a few minutes because what you have to say will be quick or write it down so they don't forget. 

Simplify as much as possible. Say certain things with gestures. Like please sit in your seats and point down. Or make a shushing face when you tell everyone to be quiet. Eventually, you will see that you can remind students of the rules by one gesture or one word by having routines. You will be able to say seat and a student will sit. OR you can point down and students will sit. Students often understand if they should not be doing something, but a simple reminder or recognition that the teacher acknowledges this and does not allow it with as little confrontation as possible can keep a student from feeling embarrassed in front of their peers. This is less likely to be met with defiance as it is not seen as a command but a reminder. It is important to iterate that's the tone you should be using when you say it as well. 

Be silly when possible. Using different voices, not accents, imitating famous people and robots, making silly sounds, singing rules or other things can take the seriousness out of the authority you have and the confrontation that is happening. It will remind people of the rules, but be focused on the silly thing you just did, so people will comply while laughing if done correctly. 

3. Lead without fear. Punishments lead to fear, and for some, that fear will be responded to with hostility. Removing the fear will remove this possible response. Here are some tips to remove punishments. 

Point out ways to be helpful. I or we need you to ..... is a way to remind students of rules without telling them they are doing something wrong. Instead, it is telling students what they should be doing. 

Express your feelings. If you are becoming frustrated, feel disrespected, or anything else, then you should tell students without accusing anyone of making you feel this way or telling anyone it is their fault. Saying you are getting angry or that you are upset by how someone is speaking about themselves or someone else, can often make people recognize their behaviors and how it is affecting others. They will often stop and will even apologize without having to repeat the rules or tell someone to stop. 

State your expectations. We speak kindly, we show up on time, we listen when the teacher is speaking or whatever else you need to say. Say it and be direct about what they should be doing. Stay away from what they should not be doing, or saying stop. 

Let students face natural consequences. Sometimes teachers need to stay out of whatever is happening or not try to control every part of their class. As long as you do not have a rule, and the thing does not hurt people or their people's things then let it go. Overcontrol leads to testing the limits of that control, and more outbursts or sometimes fear of the students of not doing the correct thing. 

Let parents and administrators handle punishments when necessary. As a teacher, your job is to facilitate the class. It is not to develop creative punishments, spend your lunch time in detention, or spend the energy ensuring a student complies with the punishment. It is not your responsibility to keep up with other people's phones or decide what to do next if they choose to behave like this again. Remind students of the rules, ensure those rules are being followed by these reminders, and tell parents. Remind students if they do not comply with the rules that you will call home. This is usually more than enough, but make sure you do call and not just an idle threat. Let parents know the expectations and the behaviors in class. Parents or guardians can punish their children if they choose, or handle it however they see fit. 

Also never threaten students. Let them know the consequences of actions, but never threaten them. The difference between them is one lets them know the natural consequences of their actions. As an example, you will fall, if you lean back in your chair; if you are talking, it is hard for other people to listen to me; you will miss some of class if you are late.  Threats are if you do something it will cause me to do something. This misplaces the responsibilities and actual consequences of what can happen. As adults, there is no one to punish them, but they will experience natural consequences. If we teach students to only think about the consequences other people will impart on them, then they will not think about the natural consequences that can and do happen. Threats impose fear, and fear has no place in a diversity-affirmative classroom. All students need to feel safe all the time, regardless of their behaviors. 

4. Constructive Praise to All. Praise can be difficult to be authentic. It can be even more difficult to give when students are completely wrong in their projects or essays. Students are most vulnerable at this time. They are obviously completely lost in content and are feeling inadequate intellectually.  You need to be very cautious in what you say, because it can make the difference in checking out of your class mentally, or having this voice as a subtle reminder as an adult that they can't learn the new information, or they are just not good at school. Giving them praise, and saying things that make them feel optimistic and motivated can change that interaction to a student who is willing and ready to redo their work or continue their work. 

Describe what you see or what the student is telling you. Say "I see you have...... and all of that is great stuff. Or this is amazing or I love these parts." Just say anything positive, because many students never hear anything positive about their learning or work. Those students need to hear it the most. Saying anything positive about their work or learning can make students feel positive about their learning.  If they are a little off or need lots of extra help say, " but I don't see any....... I want you to keep these parts....... and add....." This changes an attitude of I have done this wrong and am stupid, to an attitude of I have done great so far, and I just have a little more to do. This can be very easily adapted to listening to what a student has said. If need be write down the feedback on short notes on a sticky note. This helps kids remember, and see a trick to help remember things. 

5. Build Authentic Relationships, because people's lives are important. I worked at a school that told me to build relationships with students so that I could leverage the relationship with the students to participate in class.  I immediately thought this was clear manipulation. I will not try to manipulate my students. Students have crazy lives and you can read more about some of the experiences of students I have had here. I tell these stories only to make people aware of some of the situations students face every day. Not all students struggle, but teachers do not know the students who are facing difficulties or how intense those are until the student reveals it. Not every student talks about their issues with their teachers. Trauma-informed practice and professional development are imperative. 

Even without traumas, students can have amazing lives and we should talk to them about it. Students will probably participate more as a side effect, but I try to have good relationships with students who do not do any assignments. I would never try to leverage the relationship to make a student participate. After knowing some stories, I am amazed that some students even come to school, but then to try to do work is even more amazing. Another side effect will be students who have fewer behavior problems, and when they occur are more readily willing to apologize for that behavior. Again I would not try to leverage my relationship with a student to make them behave differently, but if you like a person, and that person respects and cares about your life, then you will cooperate with them more. 

The relationship a student has with their teacher can have lasting impacts on the student and how the student views themselves. Not every student is affected by their teachers to a great deal, and you won't have an effect on every student, but you don't know the ones you will have an effect on. It is important to make sure the student feels positive about their abilities to learn, regardless of their current knowledge. Students need to feel like they are capable of learning, and the more positive experiences they have with their teacher; the more likely the students will have a positive view of their capabilities as an adult. We all know people who think they are not good at math, science, or reading but this comes from the teachers those people had and the negative experiences with their teachers. Every person is important regardless of their attendance, or work habits, and you should be trying to build relationships with all of them. 

6. Become aware of how mental health issues present in a classroom. One of my biggest complaints about teacher education is how little time is spent on this topic. I hear teachers say things like that student is a wanderer, meaning they just like to get up and walk around. In reality, they just found a presentation of ADHD, or something else. In high school, it is fairly common to have a student from time to time who attends regularly or semi-regularly but never does a single assignment. This student most likely also has ADHD, depression, or something else, but student does have mental health issues. Perfectionist students may have ADHD, Autism, OCD, or something else, but again these are presentations of mental health issues and should be addressed in the classroom. Teachers complain about certain students often who are disruptive, but are oblivious to the fact that they have issues going on. Sometimes it is diagnosed and others it is not. Sometimes it is because of the student's personality and who they are, and sometimes it is situational. No matter the case teachers need to be aware of how things present and make plans of how to respond in a way that does not lead to that student feeling negatively about who they are, what they are feeling, or what they are going through. Telling a student who has ADHD that it is not that hard to stay in their seat, makes a student feel bad about themself. They want to know what is wrong with them, that it is so hard to stay in their seat. A simple reminder that we need to sit, can be all it takes for them to sit without any attached connotations.  Here are a few other simple tips. 

Stay calm and professional. In all situations, you should remain calm. You should tell students your emotions if you want, but you should do it calmly. Reminding students of rules does not mean yelling at them. When you start having big emotional reactions to students, then it will be reflected and students will have big emotional reactions to you. If you yell at a student, then they will yell back. If you are sarcastic, they will be sarcastic. If you criticize them, then they will criticize you. This is how all people react, not just students. Not everyone you are rude to in public will be rude back, but some will be rude, and some will be ready to be more than rude. Students are people, and will not just go along with whatever you say because you say it. If you ever cross the line and lose your cool or say something you should not have, then make sure you address it and apologize. This is a good example for students to see what to do, and how to apologize. 

Have patience. Students need lots of reminders. Do not get angry with having to remind them of rules even if it's the 100th time today, but make sure you call home to discuss the rules and expectations. Students can have many reasons as to why they are doing whatever they are doing. Making a student feel bad about being late, will not change the fact that they have to drop off their siblings at school before getting to class themself. Students who are constantly defiant may have a defiant disorder which is a symptom of something much larger going on. These students need your patience the most. 

Have Compassion. Talk to them about what is going on, and have compassion for their reasons. Students who are depressed and are not participating in class do not hear about how they need to do this work to pass or they will have some negative outcome in the future, like not going to college or having a worse-paying job. This leads to less hope and more depression. Students are having trouble focusing, know they are having trouble focusing, and do not need a teacher to point out or tell them they just need to focus more. They need a teacher to calmly engage them and remind them no matter how many times they have to. The student who sleeps in class may have to work at night to help their family. Your berating about sleeping in class will not make them pay attention or suddenly have more money to not have to work. It may be the nap they need to be able to be successful in the next class. 

Meet their needs. If you have students who like to move and talk, then make sure you have time in class to let them. If your students need quiet, accommodate them with headphones. Lowering the brightness of the lights in my class has gone a long way. Alternative seating, mixes between group and solo places to sit, frequent check-ins, allowing alternative assignments, not having punitive deadlines, removing fear from classroom management, and fidget toys, are a few that I put in my practice. I will continue to add, based on student needs.  

Seek out PD and do your Research. Mental health issues present in many different ways, and in the classroom teachers have to teach all students. Mainstreaming and inclusive classrooms means that we make ourselves aware of what students are going through, and why they are acting the way they are. Only then can the teacher make choices to help the student be successful. I have often heard teachers tell parents that their student just needs to focus more in class, but this may be unrealistic without tools. The teacher needs to know what tools to offer the students, as well as open this dialogue with parents and say any concerns. Parents or guardians may be unaware of the mental health issues that their child is going through or think that is just how they act. If the teacher is aware of how different mental health issues present, then this could be the first step in getting a child some needed support. 

Remove as much anxiety from the classroom as possible. Students have so much anxiety around school. Some include peer-based, content testing, authority, social, feelings of intellectual shortcomings, failure, doing the wrong thing, breaking rules, meeting deadlines, SAT, ACT, clothes and hair and so many other things students are worried about. Anxiety can also be a symptom of a much larger mental health issue. The teacher can help increase this or decrease this anxiety. In a meeting with only teachers, two teachers complained about a student who was checking her makeup in a pocket mirror. Both teachers told her to put it away and it was inappropriate for class. There are no mirrors in the bathrooms or classrooms at this school. When she pulled out her mirror in my class, I told her that her makeup looked great. She smiled said thank you and put her mirror away. All teachers achieved the same thing, but two made her feel embarrassed, and one made her feel good. Not only did this simple act help our relationship, but all the other students saw this too. It helped the relationship with all students. Students are much more cooperative and feel better about themselves and their education when teachers remove as much anxiety from the classroom as possible. The classroom needs to be a safe space for all students. Anxiety is something many people face regularly and any relief can make a big difference in their lives.