Humanizing students means understanding that they are people. People have experiences that are good and bad. Students do not often share their experiences with every teacher and they have no responsibility to do so. With this in mind, we have no idea what students are going through unless they tell us.
It is important for teachers and other adults who interact with students to realize that their experiences shape who they are. We need to treat them with respect and understanding. A teacher who is constantly chiding a student for not working, but not understanding the student's perspective, will only make that student feel worse. These stories are not intended to identify students in any way. I will exclude all identifying information, but their stories are important to tell so that others can have a real perspective of students in public education and their experiences. Hopefully, these insights will offer a glimpse of understanding why students' behavior expresses in the ways that it does.
Student A was a behavior problem for most teachers. Student A was constantly disruptive and defiant, and not interested in learning, but was forced to be at school due to attendance laws. Student A was from country X, and at 12 years old was given an AK47 and posted as a sentry for a relative's property. Student A was told to shoot anyone that was seen. It was unknown if student A shot anyone, but student A would only say that this happened through tears, and would not talk about it in any more detail.
Student B came from a single-parent household. They paid their bills but did not have extra money for when student B came of age to drive and wanted to buy a new car. Student B began selling puppies from their current dog and making money. Student B then bought another dog to continue selling puppies for $2000 a piece. This extra money helped Student B buy a car, and have extra money for nice clothes. Student B was well-behaved and received good grades in classes, but had a short temper and would yell at teachers or fight other students. Student B had been suspended more than once for fighting in school. Student B one day told me how they were being profiled lately. Police had been stopping them and searching their car with the assumption that they were selling drugs to make this extra money. One day a group of Student B's friends were in an argument with another group of children. Both groups began fighting and student B was involved. The police were called, and it was labeled as a gang fight. Only Student B was arrested and was sentenced to 5 years in prison.
Student C came from a single-parent household and lived in a neighborhood that was known to be dangerous. Student C was a great student, very smart, and very friendly. Student C wanted to make friends with all teachers and was well-liked by most students. Student C expressed to me one day that they had been robbed recently, and it was not the first time. They had also previously been assaulted just walking back home from school. Student C was talking about getting "protection" meaning student C wanted a gun. I told Student C how dangerous this was, and that it was not a good idea. Student C seemed to understand and said they would not. One day student C left their backpack in a friend's car and walked back to get it. Upon reaching the car and realizing it was locked, a school resource officer yelled at them to see what they were doing. Student C began to run, and the immediate thought of the resource officer was that student C was trying to steal from cars, and is now running to evade police. Student C was caught and was in possession of a weapon. Student C was sentenced to 8 years in prison.
Student D was absent for several days in the new school year. On the first day in attendance, Student D walked up to me looking frantic or like they just got into a very intense argument with someone. They looked around and said that they thought they see someone that is not real. I pulled them aside and said wait just a second and I will get you some help. They were institutionalized for several weeks, and upon returning they told me that they had just been diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Student E fell asleep in every class. As a result, student E failed many classes and struggled to understand concepts. Student E had already spent five years in high school and was close to aging out, but needed a few more classes to graduate. Student E would snore loudly in class, and cause a distraction to the other students, some of whom would make negative comments about them sleeping. One day the class was doing group work, and Student E was assigned to a group. Student E started to fall asleep, and I instructed Student E to stand and work. Student E stood and began working, but then fell over from a standing position due to sleep. This was when I expressed concern to other teachers, and only then was it revealed the student has narcolepsy, and could not help falling asleep. The more the student tried to stay awake, the more stressed they became and the faster they fell asleep.
Student F was quiet and withdrawn, but eager to please the teacher. Student F always participated even though they did not always understand the concepts. Student F smelled of cat urine and smoke often. Student F did not have many friends in school and was often picked on by other children. Student F would sometimes urinate on themselves in class and pretend like it didn't happen, and continue to sit in their seat. These are all clear indicators to many teachers, that Student F was being abused. Many reports were filed, but no proof was ever verified, and if the student does not reveal it, then there is not a lot that can be done.
Student G was defiant and loud. Student G was in many fights and would yell or curse at teachers. Student G would occasionally do work and did want to graduate. This student grew up in a drug-addicted household and was very poor. Student G experienced multiple periods of abuse as a younger child, but not since living with their grandmother. Student G sold cocaine for the first time at 14 and began using it not long after.
Student H was a model student. Student H had the highest grades possible and was well-behaved. Student H was generally nice and friendly and always participated. Student H was rarely absent or late. Student H asked to go to the bathroom one day and instead was raped in the school bathroom by other students.
Student I was a Muslim student who wore traditional clothes from country X. Student I told me, they are regularly called a terrorist, and murderer. One day someone even threw trash at them, while yelling things they didn't understand.
Student J was absent for 3 days. When student j showed up to class, they told me their father had just been murdered a few days prior. The family was from country X and the father was waiting to come to this country. Student J was not able to go back to be with their family or see their father's funeral.
Student K had a skin disorder that made them look different. Student K was from a different country, and their skin disorder was seen as a sign of bad things in the future. People in their community tried to murder them. Student K told me these people beat him with a hammer, but their parents saved them. Student K then moved to another country. In that town of the new country, there were some dangerous gangs. When the student was 14, a group of people were known to do drugs, and home invasions, were knocking on their door. Student K's father grabbed a machete and threatened the people. Yelling back and forth between thieving murderers and the father was where it ended. Student K moved to America not long after.
Student L was from country X. One day the student's father was walking down the street singing a song. The father was arrested for this. After the father was released, they moved to this country. A few weeks later Student L was assaulted by a random person.
Student M moved to this country and started school a few weeks later. At 15, this was the first time Student M had gone to school. Student M did not know how to read or write in their language. Student M did not know how to appropriately behave in the classroom and was a constant distraction to others.
Student N moved to this country intending to work. When arriving in this country to live with relatives found out that it was the law to go to school due to their age. Student N had not gone to school since fourth grade and was now starting 9th grade. Student N was very angry about not being able to work and did not want to learn content or English.
Student O lived with a brother. Student O told me that when they were very young their mother had died, but did not say how. I didn't ask because that would be inappropriate. Although student O told me their father was murdered only weeks before starting school. Student O's father was living in a different country at the time and was not able to see them or their family in that country. Student O was very distracted all year and did very little work. Student O would make jokes and laugh and talk with the other students and showed no signs of depression or sadness.
Student P's father had been absent since they were very young. Student P's mother recently became absent from their life and was living with the mother's ex-husband. Student P was living with their mother, but had become homeless and lived homeless for one year before moving in with their ex-stepfather. Student P was very upset about living with the ex-stepfather, and very depressed. Student P also had a learning disability and was not yet diagnosed with ADHD, but would be diagnosed later. Student P received very little one-on-one attention and struggled to learn new concepts. Student P was distracted constantly, and disruptive in class. Student P would refuse to do work. Student P would spend long amounts of time in the bathroom, but eventually started skipping classes before stopping attending altogether.
Student Q was in my 1st-period class. Student Q was late or slept often or was extremely sleepy but awake in class. Student Q had a difficult time completing work and learning new content. Student Q revealed to me one day that they work after school. Student Q typically works 30-40 hours a week and attends school. Student Q then has to give this money to their parents to help pay bills and does not get to keep any.
Student R lived with grandparents. Student R's parents were drug addicts and one parent was in jail, and the other was absent due to state intervention. Student R would talk to another student often and loudly. Student R would also become sullen and quiet when the other student was absent or separated due to talking issues. Student R did not often complete work or remember to bring papers back to class. Student R would start crying in class or would spend long amounts of time in the bathroom.
Student S always received low grades in school. Student S had a learning disability and was self-conscious about having low grades. Student S did know how to play the guitar, and would regularly bring it to school to play. One day Student S was invited to play in a band at a restaurant, and it went well. Student S stopped doing classwork and decided playing in a band was what they were going to do. Student S was still young enough that it was the law to attend school, and would attend regularly. Student S would attend classes but just sit in classes listening, or talking to people when possible.
Student T's father owned a concrete business. Student T also worked for their father in the family business. Student T intended to take over the family business upon reaching an appropriate age. Student T was young enough that it was the law to attend school, and would attend regularly. Although, student T completed no work, would sit quietly, and was compliant to a point. Student T would not work but would pretend to work. When asked about why they would not work, the reply was always " I don't need to know this"
Student U had been recently incarcerated. Student U had stolen cars and was proud of it. Student U was in state custody, and living in a foster home. Student U had no interest in school and believed that graduating high school and college was unattainable. Student U never completed an assignment but always participated in class discussions and experiments.
Student V was in a gang. Student V was still young enough that it was law to attend but did not complete assignments or participate in any way. Student V lived in a single-parent home, but the parent was often working long hours. Student V had no interest in school and believed they could make a better living by stealing things. Student V most likely had an undiagnosed learning disability, although I say this because of conversations with this student and my personal experiences. I have no authority to diagnose. Student V regularly displayed gang signs in class and would start fights with other students.
Student W lived in extreme poverty with a single parent in a shelter. Student W was concerned about money constantly, and worried about how to help their parent. Student W did not participate in school work but was still the age to be forced to attend. Student W did not think that an education would be able to get them money in the short term, so was not concerned about learning. Student W believed they could make money in other ways. Student W was caught selling drugs at school and was sentenced to 3 years.
Student X had started cutting hair 1 year prior. Student X would cut the hair of many of the other students and make money from charging them. Student X had very little interest in school, believing they would just be a barber and didn't need to know all of this or get good grades. Student X would participate minimally because they did want to graduate. Student X always received bottom marks but passed. Student X was constantly disruptive by talking to other students. Student X is a Barber today.
Student Y showed up for the first day of high school ready to learn, but nervous. Student Y had lived in a small village with their parents but now lived in a major city with a sibling. Student Y did not understand English but could read their language. Student Y was quiet and withdrawn. Student Y would spend long amounts of time in the bathroom and would cry at random times in the class. Student Y felt very overwhelmed in their new situation and wanted to go back to live with their parents. This made it difficult for Student Y to concentrate and they struggled to learn new ideas and complete work. Student Y also would unintentionally offended other students due to cultural differences and was even further isolated.
Student Z was in the hall talking to a teacher. Student Z is Muslim and wears traditional clothes from her country. I walked by and overheard the following conversation.
Teacher " Where are you from?"
Student Z "I am from Ethiopia."
Teacher " There are a lot of Muslim people from Ethiopia."
Student Z "Acually no. Many people in Ethiopia are Christian."
The teacher with a surprised look says "Oh, how does that work, because I know that over there Muslims cut the heads off Christians."
I did not hear the student's response, but I can not imagine what she felt in the moment, or in the future as she thought about this interaction. I did report it to the administration, but I have no idea what the result was.
I have had at least 8 different students who were also recent mothers and fathers of infants.
I have had many students who were abused in various ways. Many of these students had been in state custody already, or didn't understand that abuse was happening, or were too afraid to say anything or enough time had passed that nothing could be done about the abuse. I have reported every case that I have had any kind of direct evidence, but so many students are successful at hiding their abuse.
I have had countless students who were experiencing homelessness.
I have had countless students who were experiencing extreme poverty, could not afford to buy school supplies, and often went without food at home.
In all of these situations, other teachers constantly reprimanded the students for their distractions and urged them to concentrate on their work more. The other teachers knew what the students experienced, but expressed that the students still needed to get a good grade in their classes and do their work. Most teachers do not understand what students are going through and do not understand how to empathize or how to alter teaching to accommodate these students. This page focuses on students' stories, and accommodations can be found on another.
Scenario 1: A 17-year-old student tells me, they are in a relationship with a 23-year-old person. I did not know if they were sexually active.
Scenario 2: A 16-year-old student tells me, they are in a relationship with a 17-year-old student I also know. I did not know if they were sexually active.
In Oklahoma and New York, Scenario 1 is legal, but it may not be in other states.
In Oklahoma Scenario 2 is legal, but not in New York.
I reported both to the administration, but I have no idea what the outcome of this was. It is important to know the age of sexual consent laws in your state. It is also important that students understand these laws without imposed fear or intimidation.